Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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