i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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