All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
