Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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