We won't sleep together?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
