we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
