He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
