I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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