I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
