: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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