At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
