I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
