her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize