Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cannot find my penis.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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