Pappa wants mamma naked
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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