Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
