soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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