sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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