The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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