I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
