hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
