can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
