A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
