I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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