Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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