U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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