For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
