How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The beer is more important than you right now.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
