so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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