ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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