my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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