I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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