new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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