he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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