Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
