some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
