I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
