can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
