My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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