The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
