so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
