just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
