I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
