i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize