Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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