please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
