Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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