The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
