1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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