just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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