Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
