also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Someone came in the potted fern
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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