I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
