Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
