apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
