I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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