How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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