Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
