rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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