the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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