I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
