yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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