he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
