Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
