So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
